...while watching Lock Up

Tom Sizemore was thin and had hair once. Also he was obnoxious and annoying

Fat Albert is a prison mechanic

It's nice to be outside in the freezing mud

That fat dude was ready to throw down over dessert.

Two rolls of toilet paper a month is apparently enough

Prison football games don't have flags. Also Stallones team always play offence

When you only have one change of clothes, playing in the mud is a bad idea. Unless you ran out of toilet paper and had to use your shirt

They couldn't afford any boxes for Sly to stand on.

Even Lock Up had a montage

Prison hose-fights sometimes involve actual hoses

Bright light makes Stallone cough

Black prison guards are the nice ones

Guys who name themselves 'Killer' are bound to be complete idiots

Don't go clean the prison gym. On a related note: when you're IN prison it should really just be 'the gym'

NO SWAG!

Collecting linen in the middle of the night arouses no suspicion

Shit does float

Wheelchair dude looks like Seann William Scott

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...watching Waterworld

The other night I watched the extended version of the 1995 Kevin Costner vehicle, Waterworld. At the time of filming, it was the most expensive movie ever made. Curious, considering that one of the most abundant substances on the planet, water, was practically all you saw throughout the film.

I'd never seen the extended version before, and boy is it long. Clocking in at around 3 hours, you're probably better off watching the theatrical version.

Despite its length, it was quite educational. Here's what I learned:

• Dryland is a myth
• If the polar icecaps melt, the oceans will apparently rise more than 5 miles 
• Someone turned an oil tanker into a Noah's Ark, but only managed to save all the cigarettes and a bunch of hobos
• The 1995 Jeanne Trippelhorn looks just like a brunette version of 2010 Katherine Heigl.
• That girl from Napoleon Dynamite was really annoying as a kid. She would have had to learn how to swim a whole lot sooner on my boat
• Metal cages sink really slowly
• He doesn't answer to neither Chuck nor Charles
• Noon and dusk are totally interchangeable
• One-in-a-million chance encounters on the open sea happen all the time
• Don't use evolution as a plot point if you don't know what it is
• A thin oil trail will burn for hours and hours on the open ocean
• Costner's ship was frigging cool
• He has seen paper
• You can live for many days on a small amount of water and a tiny tomato
• The big fish sleep a lot
• Jack Black was a grimy pilot dude
• Kevin Costner totally just murdered thousands of people on that tanker ship
• The top of Mount Everest looks a lot like Maui

If you noticed other things of interest, please let me know in the comments below.